A digest for conscious living
One of the reasons that my mother came to visit from the States is that my Uncle, her brother, who also lives in Europe celebrated his sixtieth birthday over the weekend in Venice, Italy. My mom and I left for the party last week on Thursday evening. She will be there until Wednesday, and will fly from there back to California. I just returned home last night, Sunday night from a long continuous party.
It was a wonderful celebration of a very special person, and I enjoyed myself very much. It was also however the culmination of two weeks of guests, dinners, parties, travelling, and a very irregular schedule. I was happy to get back home and look forward to getting back into a productive routine with a steady rhythm.
From Thursday to Sunday, I did no excersise, drank too much wine, ate too much food, and slept very little little. It was a very interesting experience which reminded me of a state that I am no longer accustomed to. Much of the deep clarity and emotional stability that my Practice has afforded me over the past couple of months was created and established over a long period and will therefore not immediately retreat into unconsciousness over the course of a weekend. I do recognize however, that the edge of my awareness, which marks the true incisive Lucidity which I had been experiencing recently was blunted in short order by lack of practice and inadequate lifestyle. I also realize how accustomed I had become to my long daily meditations, yoga, and healthy living, and how much I miss the clarity that they bring me when I neglect them.
There was a peace, harmony, and insight that I carried inside of me throughout the weekend, but my Lucidity began waning as I strayed further from my practice. I gradually started gravitating back to a state in which I was no longer seeing the dream nature of this world as clearly as before. The material world, and all its circumstances began appearing more solid, more permanent. The content of the dreamscape began to increase in density in my perception, and it became more difficult to “feel” the transient nature of this reality. I became desensitized to its synchronicity and subtle fractal nature.
This morning I had a long and satisfying practice, which brought me back part of the way to the more Awakened state that I long for. In so doing however, my practice this morning highlighted how my emotional state has already become less stable than it was just one week ago. I observed my self and my emotions, and quickly realized that during my absence, some fear had begun to leak into the energetic resevoir of my consciousness. I am glad that I have the presence of mind to recognize that so that I can do what needs to be done in order to stabilize my emotions again.
The weekend was an interesting experiment- a glimpse and reminder of places that I already know, and don’t care to return to. Im not interested in going in circles. Already I am back on course- time to spread my sails and continue into the vastness with my back to the wind.
Goodnight,
Kikta