A digest for conscious living
I meditated first thing this morning, but did not have time to do my yoga immediately afterward. Instead, after a relatively light work day I took advantage of the beautiful sunny weather to drive to a nearby forest and take a short hike. The leaves on the trees are at the chromatic height of their last burst of life before winter, and with the sun sinking on the horizon it was quite a magical scene.
After I wrote my entry last night, I though more about the function that fear plays in my life. I have known for a long time that fear constitutes the primary impediment to maintaining a Lucid and stable state of mind. Last night, I had an insight that has compeled me to re-evaluate the degree to which this is actually true. It became clear to me that in fact, fear is not just an emotion that I experience periodically during particularly stressful or difficult times. I realized that fear is an almost constant background emotion which up until now has almost continually informed certain thoughts and actions of mine- the thoughts and actions which ultimately keep me from being able to permanently experience my true nature. I also see that my experience with fear is not unique, it is a microcosm of a mechanism which is at work in most societies on earth today.
Last night I had a period of particularly clear insight and began focusing the acute light of my attention on the causal chain of feelings and thoughts that were guiding my thoughts and actions throughout the evening. I soon realized that at their root, the only thoughts and behaviors which were taking me out of the infinite “present moment of clarity” were fear based. Fearful thoughts relating to my health, my body, my loved ones, my attachments, my self image, etc. are the only thoughts that keep me from seeing my world as it truly is- alive, vibrant, relaxed, happy, and completely fulfilling.
An example: The stress that arises from being stuck in traffic on my way to an important appointment. As petty as this may seem, anyone who has been there before can testify that such a situation can certainly cause one to lose clarity. A simple situation like this might even lead me to begin driving recklessly or too fast, and put my well-being and that of others in jeopardy. Not to mention the stress which is generated by such an incident that I will carry with me throughout the day. This is certainly not the behavior of an Awakened person. But where does this behavior have its root? Fear. If I am late to this meeting, I will make a very unprofessional and unreliable impression, which could lead me to lose this client, which could lead me to go bankrupt, lose my apartment, not be able to feed my family… I cant let that happen!
If however, I pose the question: Have you been late to important meetings before? Yes. Has being stuck in traffic ever caused you to lose an important client before? No. Will the stress generated from continuing to focus on these thoughts cause you to lose the clarity which you strive so hard to attain? Yes. Will thinking about this fear any longer have ANY impact on the outcome of this situation? NO! There is nothing to gain.
For years I thought that freeing myself of fear would be a lifelong process of growth and understanding, but I now have a new perspective. I can simply acknowledge that fear is an imposter ALWAYS. If I see through the disguise, and recognize it for what it is, I can simply decline to give it my further attention. By simply refusing to acknowledge or belive even the most seemingly justifiable fear, I find that a huge filter is lifted from my view of the world. A heavy and uncomfortable burden is thrown off and is immediately replaced by a lightness, clarity, and gratitude for what is right here right now.
I am not sticking my head in the sand- I understand that negativity exist, and that I may have to deal with pain and suffering in one form or another at certain times in my life. If however, if I distract myself from the warmth, comfort, love, and beauty that is available to me right now by thinking about the possibility of suffering and negativity in the future, I will never actually experience the joy that is being offered to me the majority of the time!
Walking the razor’s edge is like walking a tight rope- in order to be able to maintain my balance, I have to keep from looking down.
The only freedom to be had is freedom from fear.
Goodnight,
Kikta