A digest for conscious living
This morning’s meditation was extraordinary. I sat down and for quite some time expended a great deal of effort struggling to quiet my mind. I was diligently applying the techniques for meditation that I have so often practiced, and I was having some measure of success, but my mind was not yet quiet.
After what must have been about 40 minutes, I noticed feelings of frustration begin to arise. At that moment I remembered the old saying, “If nothing goes right- go left!”. I realized, as so often is the case, that the whole time I had been trying to achieve a goal and had therefore created an expectation. I had once again believed that I “know” what a “good” meditation is, that for whatever reason, this wasn’t it.
I decided to stop trying to control my mind and my breathing and just let it go. If thoughts came then I would just let them arise and eventually dissipate and be replaced by other thoughts. Whatever my breath did, I just observed it. Within a matter of minutes, the fruit of all the breathing work that I had been doing for the initial part of my session came to fruition. In fact almost immediately my breath began to change to become shallow and relaxed. Quickly thereafter the flow of my thoughts slowed to a trickle, and after a little while stopped.
I reached a state that I do not often reach in my meditation this morning. I experienced being my body breathing without any reflection. It is a very difficult state to describe- extreme emotional clarity and deep and extremely pleasant physical relaxation. Ironically it was the thought “I am in Samadhi…” that disturbed my stillness. Upon coming back to my mind I was swept by a rush of gratitude, energy and joy which has continued radiating forth throughout the day.
This experience once again reminded me that although a great deal of effort may be necessary to bring me to the threshold of realization, ultimately I will not be me who opens the door. This can only be allowed to happen by the greater Me- the Dreamer. The door can only be opened from within.
Goodnight,
Kikta