A digest for conscious living
My wife and I were able to meditate together in the afternoon during our daughter’s nap.
I have been having difficulty finding the motivation to make my entries recently. Its not that I don’t want to write, it actually is not a matter of preference. When I feel that I have have something interesting of compelling to write about I quite enjoy it. The problem is that recently I feel that I have a lack of relevant subject matter.
I have taken up my Practice again and I intend to keep it up with the same consistency that I had attained before the holidays. I feel like it is the only way that I can remain relatively sane in this world. The problem is that the stories that I tell myself in my mind regarding my own psychology and state of mind have lost so much credibility to me that I don’t feel so inclined to write about them at this point. Maybe this is a phase that I am going through I don’t know, but I don’t feel like I have very much worth writing about recently.
The truth is that I do not have anything figured out. I don’t know what is happening in this life, in this existence. The only thing I know is that when I don’t meditate, my thoughts and emotions become convoluted and opaque and that this state eventually brings me to a point of suffering- unnecessary self inflicted suffering. So Im just going to continue meditating.
There is one thing that seems crystal clear in my life all the time. The way I feel about my daughter- how I love her is so real. Every other emotion and thought that I have about myself or the way I relate to my world seems transient. The gift of love that she brings to my life is like a fixed place in space that is not relative to anything or anwhere else. It is just a point to which everything else refers, but which refers itself to nothing. Floating there- a constant that remains the same irrespective of where if is viewed from. A blessing- shining, gentle, eternal…
Goodnight,
Kikta