A digest for conscious living
I was able to get up in time to have a good meditation yesterday morning and Im very glad I did. It really helped me to feel happy and centered throught most of the day. I have not yet meditated today, but plan to do so this evening.
I realized yesterday that I would like to use my feelings more effectively as a source of guidance in my life. It is often difficult to process the details and content of an interaction with another person quickly enough to realize exactly what is happening and act appropriately. I often recognize the true dynamics of an interaction clearly only in retrospect, and then wish that I might have reacted differently. This can be true for any number of different kinds of situations with different people etc.
One thing that I have recognized however is that there is always a set of feelings that accompany any social transaction and that these feelings are actually a much more sensitive and realiable barometer of what is really happening than are my thoughts. Unfortunately, at some point during my life I learned to ignore some of the feelings that I have which alert me to situations that I would like to avoid.
It has become apparent to me that on a certain level I was taught to avoid conflict or upleasantness with other people. I have always been a peace maker- I usually like to make people feel good because it makes me feel good. I have come to realize however, that it is not my responsibility to make anyone feel anything in particular. There are certain instances where it becomes my responsibility to myself to listen to my feelings and act appropriately, even if it means that my course of action will not validate or justify someone else’s behavior, and that might make them feel unpleasant. I do not mean escalating conflict or being aggressive, but simply being honest with myself and with the people around me.
The feelings I have about my circumstances provide invaluable information about the nature of my relationship with my surroundings. When talking with another person for example, if I try to base my reactions on the content of the conversation or interaction, I may be brought to a state of confusion about the appropriate reaction or comment because ultimately, the maelstrom of body language, eye contact, and verbal subject matter may not reveal a coherent or rational patern. This is because fundamentally, humans generally operate on an emotional, relatively subconscious level. The appropriate course of action or reaction therefore, when dealing with other people can be gleaned much more accurately if I remain aware of how I am feeling. My feelings are the reaction of my subconscious mind, which has the capacity to process an interaction much more integrally and quickly. My feelings can alert me to the true nature of an interaction.
Very often, when in the course of a personal interaction with another person I encounter negative feelings, I tend to want to ignore them because my mind tells me that I should be a “good” person. The fact that I am feeling something negative toward another person is judged by my rational mind as a feeling that I should not be having. The truth however, is that there is a reason why I feel the way that I feel. A negative feeling does not necessarily mean that I am being attacked or manipulated, it can also alert me to the fact that it is I that may be harboring negativity toward someone else. If I view my feelings with sufficient clarity I believe the true dynamics of the interaction will reveal themselves. If I have negative feelings about a person or a situation, rather than try to avoid those feelings, I need to heed them as a warning that something is happening. Negative feelings are a useful signal that something is out of harmony and that I need to be aware of the nature of the interaction that is taking place.
I think that by expressing these feelings in a clear and honest way, without judging them for what my mind feels I should be feeling, I will be allowing for me to be Myself more honestly.
Goodnight,
Kikta