A digest for conscious living
The Practice continues.
I felt psychologically good for most of the day today in spite of the fact that I am feeling a bit off physically. I sensed a bit of a sore throat this morning, but forgot about it until this evening when I began getting frustrated with my wife at dinner. I realized after the meal that in fact I was not really upset at all with her. It is my body that feels bad and my mind begins making up a story to try and explain my negative feelings- my mind wants something to blame. Its very interesting to note that my 16 month old daughter also becomes irritable when she feels tired or under the weather, but she does not create a story around it to believe in.
Although ultimately the spiritual practice that I have been carrying out for some time now has ultimately brought me to feel more connected with the world in which I live, sometimes it can also make me feel a bit like a stranger in a strange land.
Granted I am a foreigner in the country in which I live, but that is not what I mean. I have become so aware of the inner workings of my own mind that I recognize many of the states of the people around me simply by looking at them and feeling their energy. I have also become acutely aware of the psychological patterns which advertising and social pressure are continually working to make us internalize and live by. Because of this, very often when I am in a public place or walking along a crowded street, I feel very detached. I look at the people around me and at our environment as if I were watching myself play a role in a movie like “The Matrix”. As if I know something fundamental of which virtually everyone around me is unaware.
This way of going through life can sometimes lead me to feel a sense of aloneness. I have found that the only way to bring harmony to this situation is to try as much as possible to ignore what my mind is telling me about the differences between myself and others and instead focus more on putting my attention on the fact that I have these insights about other people only because in truth we are all so connected. Like so many things in life, it all depends on where I put my attention. If I focus on myself, I feel disconnected. If I focus on other people and their needs, I feel more connected, not only with the world outside of me, but also with the different aspects of myself.
This brings me back to something that I wrote in my diary when I was about 23. It is a truth that I seem to have to learn over and over in life: Life is about other people. As much as my life is about me, it is equally about other people. Since I am naturally inclined to place an inordinate amount of focus on myself (I think virtually everyone is) I have to continually remind myself to focus on others in order to maintain equilibrium. If I talk with someone, look at someone, or interact with someone in any way and inwardly I am focusing on my response, my appearance, or any other thought directly connected to me, I will forever feel disconnected. If on the other hand when dealing with others, I focus so thoroughly on them that I forget myself, I will feel more connected to them and more complete within myself.
Goodnight,
Kikta