A digest for conscious living
My daughter has another cold and kept us awake for most of the night last night. Sadly, my state of mind reflected this throughout most of last night and this morning. It is humbling to realize how precariously balanced my state of Awakenment sits atop a tower of supportive circumstances. Although from time to time I surprise myself by being able to remain Aware during difficult situations, at the moment I must humbly admit that for the most part I am dependent on a great deal of circumstancial engineering in order to remain Lucid.
It is a great leap from being able to find Myself on a meditation cushion to being able to maintain Myself throughout daily life. For every day during which I have been able to remain more or less Lucid over the course of the entire day, there is at least one other day when I all too easily relinquish my freedom.
I know that the path is the goal, but I would like to gain more insight into how to deal with emotions. At the moment I feel like negative emotional states are far too often able to gain purchase within my story and apply leverage on my behavior and general state of being. Ironically, I am almost always aware that this is happening, but I am nevertheless powerless to do anything but ride it out and observe the madness.
When I am in the clear state things seem so simple that it is hard to imagine how one ever gets caught in these mind snares- they are so primitive. But when the inner balance is upset, and the veil falls again, I cant seem to remember the most simple thing in the world- that in truth there is no veil, and no snares.
Like I said… this is a process. I will try again tomorrow to shield the inner candle that I light in my morning meditation from being dimmed or snuffed out by the wind generated by the incessant motion of my ego mind.
Goodnight,
Kikta