A digest for conscious living
I am still recovering from my cold, but I did nevertheless do my morning yoga because I will be playing a concert with a chamber group this weekend, and my body wont agree with me unless I do. Although it was a bit of a strain to do the yoga, Im glad I did as I think that the flow of energy which it promotes in my body has aided in my healing process. I did not have time to meditate this morning, but I will be doing so before I go to sleep tonight.
This is in no way meant to be a dark or macabre entry, but I was thinking today that perhaps the true awakening from this dream will be death. I can become Lucid in this dream, but no matter how lucid I am, I am still dreaming. I guess the real end of the dream will come when I leave it entirely. I focus so much time and effort trying to discover how to live right, but maybe the trick to living right is to prepare for death.
Nothing makes one more grateful for what one has than the realization that it could ALL be gone at any moment. Of course I can never know whether this day or moment is going to be my last, but if I live every day and moment as if it might be my last it definitely changes my perspective.
A bath with Papi is part of my daughter’s bedtime ritual. Every night, at about 8.00, we fill the tub, get her ready, take a bath, and put on her pajamas. As enjoyable as it is, sometimes after a long day, it can feel like another chore that needs completion. If however, as I bath her, I bear in mind that it is possible (and it always is) that this might be the last time I bathe her, it changes everything. Just a glimmer of that possibility turns a perceived chore into a great privilege- one that I feel infinitely grateful for.
Of course, I don’t necessarily have to consider death in order to feel happy bathing my daughter- I love her so much that usually just looking at her makes me smile- but it is interesting to note that the awareness that death can find me anyplace, anytime, is transformative. When I die, how would I like to have lived the last day of my life? The last week of my life? The last year of my life? I know for certain that I would not want to waste a single thought, word, or second of time on anything that did not reflect the love and gratitude that I have for the unbelieveably miraculous experience of having lived, and the unfathomable joy that is loving and being loved.
Death is not to be feared, but welcomed as a partner, acknowledged and accepted as an unavoidable destination. Its as if this dream is a puzzle and death, is one of the key pieces without which the picture wont make sense. If I don’t pull aside the curtains of fear with which I shroud death, I will never be able to completely experience life.
Goodnight,
Kikta