A digest for conscious living
Although I found it difficult to get started making my entry tonight, I am glad I am doing it. Although I did meditate this morning, I was not at all feeling inspired. My aim was to have a hard working productive day and for one reason and then another, I managed to waste a great deal of time and get very little meaningful work done. Predictably by the end of the day I felt guilty and as these feelings normally do, they began to snowball and feed into insecurities that I have about my self discipline and commitment and ultimately ability to accomplish a goal.
I think it is interesting to note that although I know that this is one very narrow sliver of perspective on my “story” or my thoughts about my identity, or who I am, I must still deal with the fact that what I feel is unpleasant. It is indeed a form of suffering.
I do believe that the way to avoid suffering is to avoid judgment. On the surface, this statement presents a certain contradiction: If I believe that judgment or preference of one state over another is what causes suffering, why not spare myself a lifetime of effort and simply resolve to accept any and all circumstances without any resistance whatsoever? Why not just accept that sitting on meditation pillow is no better than sitting on the couch eating a bag of Cheetos and be done with it? In fact I do believe that the only difference is in my mind- but that makes all the difference. Whether I like it or not, there is a matrix, a paradigm which has been imprinted deep within my subconscious. The construction of my subconscious mind was likely all but complete before I was barely able to read. The subconscious mind is much more difficult to access and influence than the conscious mind. Therefore, in spite of the fact that “I” my conscious mind might accept the key to true happiness is living with equanimity, it might be decades or a lifetime before my subconscious accepts this truth- and until then, I still have to be present when that subconscious makes me suffer because of it. Therefore, understanding what suffering is, and avoiding unnecessary suffering are two different things. I can understand what suffering is right now, but if I want to decrease the amount of suffering in my life, I have to deal with the structures that exist in the matrix of my mind. And that means that there are some behaviors that will increase suffering and others that will decrease it. For me, wasting time and being lazy always makes me feel bad and therefore this behavior should be avoided as much as possible. Accepting this seems pedantic and old fashioned in this New Age, but in fact it is another brick in the foundation that is necessary to be at peace with oneself. It is impossible to remain Awake unless one finds this peace and clarity, so: although there are no fixed rules, I need to do the right thing! Tomorrow is a new day…
“Do the thing and you shall have the power.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good night,
Kikta